..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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