I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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