That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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