I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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