How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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