yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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