She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
