it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
