I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In America we eat man semen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
