So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
