worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
