I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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