It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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