First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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