I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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