Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The air was thick with penises
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
