Sry I called you an 8
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
