Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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