I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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