Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
