It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
