If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
