I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
