where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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