There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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