Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
