stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
