we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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