So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
