sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
