Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
