My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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