Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
