Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
