Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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