If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
