marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we're blogging at a bar
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
