The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
