3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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