upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
