But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
