Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
