Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
