I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
