What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
