I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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