3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
