there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
