If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
