my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
