Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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