I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
