then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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