At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
